Fear - or - Anticipation

Today I received a present from my boss. A bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label. For those of you unfamiliar with Scotch (capitalized on purpose), Blue Label is the premium blended Scotch - one which costs more than most single malts. It has always been a dream of mine to partake of a wee dram of Johnnie’s finest. To experience the rapture of a 60 year old malt as it made love to my mouth and coated my throat with velvet softness as it sought to build a warm fire in my belly. Until now only a dream as I was unwilling to cash in my life savings to fulfil this simple fantasy. As I sit here tonight, cuddled up next to my liquid fantasy, I am filled with anticipation. I’m not too big of a man to admit it - I am afraid to take this relationship to the next level.

In some ways the situation I find myself in is similar to the situation where you find yourself in the presence of a heart stopping, too beautiful for words, out of my comfort zone, unapproachable woman who has captured ever facet of your imagination. You are afraid to approach this fantasy of a female because the odds of her even acknowledging your existence are likely too small to calculate. Are you really worthy of this woman - this angel sent from the heavens?

And what if you do manage to catch her attention. As you begin your seduction of this forbidden woman, as you unwrap her slowly, each layer revealing more and more of a goddess, you are constantly on pins and needles. You're afraid of making a mistake. What if you don’t measure up? In your gut there is a fear - a fear of having her reject you. For in your heart you know that if you were to even once sip from her loveliness it would ruin all future relationships that you may have. You have reached the summit and can not go back. Fear paralyses you to the point where you begin to doubt your own worthiness.

In the end you decide the risk is too great. In the end you want to go to the nearest liquor store and buy a cheap bottle of Scotch - one which you are comfortable with. One which you know will stand no chance of controlling you and forever leave you wanting.

Yet, as long as she lays her head upon your pillow, the anticipation and longing remains.