Saturday, December 23, 2006

A Christmas Intervention

Christmas used to be one of my favourite holidays, beginning with the annual trek into the woods (or tree farm) to bring back that perfect tree, through to decorating the tree while listening to Christmas carols - all in anticipation of Christmas morning. I must admit though, with my own children grown up and not with me and no family nearby I’ve lost touch with the Christmas spirit. On the last day of school before the break, while other teachers brought in movies, I scheduled math tests - the more the merrier. Gives me something to do Christmas day - marking tests.

But this year was different. It all started with one of my grads - Miss Hayley, asking if we could get together for lunch on Saturday to which I agreed. At 11:30 this morning my buzzer sounded and I buzzed to let Hayley in to the apartment building. 10 minutes went by and no Hayley - strange! Then I heard it - a lot of giggling coming from the stairwell - something was up. As I opened the door there they were - my grads - complete with Christmas tree and all the trimmings. A Christmas Intervention for the old grouch.

They barged into my apartment, put up the tree, decorated the tree and had even brought presents to put under the tree. As I am typing this now there are tears in my eyes - I am so touched by their gesture. I love them so much - and all will be graduating this year and I shall miss them so very much. They are a fantastic group of kids - so kind and so thoughtful.

My words alone can not thank them enough nor demonstrate my gratitude for their thoughtfulness - perhaps I shall have to pass them after all.


Thank you Hayley, Megan, Meghan, Patrick, Ashley, Stef with an ‘F’, and Andy (who was late for the picture). As well to Fred and Sarah who could not be there but had contributed earlier with the cutting of the tree and the shopping as well as with their hearts. I shall indeed miss you all as your journey through life continues after graduation. I pray with all my heart that each of you will live a cherished life because you are all extremely special people.

From the grouch who’s heart you touched today more deeply than ever, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas - I love you all. And I can't see my keyboard anymore for the tears in my eyes.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Advent Calendar


Well I am off to Costa Rica Monday but I thought I would leave you with the best advent calendar in the world. It is similar to those chocolate ones BUT for men! Click on CHOCOLATE.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

It's Quarter to Three

Actually in truth it is - quarter to three in the morning - as the song implies - and I'm tired of life.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Global Warming - Humbug!

Arrggg! Well I’m back after several weeks of non-blogging. I’m back because I am once again frustrated with the world and feel I must try to make the human race see the error of its ways.

Specifically I am concerned about all this Global Warming talk. On one side of the issue we have the tree-hugging, socks and sandals types who are crying out that the world is about to end in a catastrophic manner because the increase in Global Warming is going to cause the polar ice caps to melt, ocean currents to disappear and baby seals to grow teeth and, and, and ....


On the other side we have the ‘head up the ass’, blue suit and tie crowd denying that the presence of human activities on this earth is having any significant effect on our climate whatsoever. As I said earlier - Arrrggggg!!!!

First let’s lay out some ground rules. The climate of the earth is and will continue to change with or without us being here. We know that at one time where we live was once covered by miles of ice and we also know that at another point in history this same area was a lush tropical forest. We also know that the amount of carbon dioxide and other chemicals that we release into the air each day is having an impact on our personal environment. What we don’t know is, by how much and what will be the consequences.


I say - who gives a flying rats ass - we are looking at the problem in the wrong way. I shall get back to this.





The sock & sandal crowd is concerned that we humans are negatively affecting our environment. So what - it is stupid to believe that we can maintain a stable environment in any geographic location. Mother Nature will alter our environment with or without our consent. It is naive and arrogant to assume that we have the right to decide otherwise. I’m sure that some people in drought stricken areas of Africa or elsewhere would appreciate a slight shift in the environment in their favour.

The ‘head up their ass’ crowd is just as bad. They deny that there is any change at all. They don’t have to work towards trying to maintain a stable environment - they believe it is already stable. This view is also naive and arrogant.









I said I would get back to how we are looking at the problem in the wrong way.

Believe it or not, both sides are actually on the same page - that is, that it is desirable and possible to maintain a stable global environment. Now this is where I call BULLSHIT! Anyone with a half a brain will tell you that the entire universe, let alone our planet, is governed by chaos. The entire universe is governed by the need to increase entropy or in other terms, increase chaos.



Note: What can I say - when I googled entropy this picture came up!



You see this effect everyday. Throw a deck of cards into the air - they don’t fall down in complete order stacked one on top of another. It takes energy to order the cards. It takes energy to order or maintain the order of anything in this universe. The universe itself is expanding to increase entropy. I could go on and on here but you can do your own research. Just Google Chaos Theory & Entropy and learn to read. The point is we are spending massive amounts of energy in even thinking about, let alone trying to, maintain an environmental status quo. We are fighting a losing battle people!

It is time to accept that Mother Nature will cause our environment to change with or without us and there is very little we can do to prevent this from happening. We may speed up the process a bit through Global Warming or if you believe some scientists we may even have slowed down the onset of another ice age through Global Warming. As I said before who cares what side is right. Significant changes to our environment will happen sooner or later and because we have our collective heads in the sand, we are going to be unprepared.

I say that it is time that we accepted the inevitable and start to prepare ourselves for the future. Why are we still building cities near the ocean when we know that ocean levels will rise and/or fall over time? Why do persist in protecting our traditional crop land from Mother Nature when we should accept that the growing seasons to the north are getting longer and perhaps look at ways to move our crop producing areas northward to match the fickle whims of Mother Nature? Why are we not looking at constructing bubbles to protect our cities from Mother Nature as well as our own pollutants? We are good at designing bubbles we call homes to protect our family from environmental extremes - why not our cities?

It is time to remove our heads from our asses, throw away our socks and sandals and get to thinking about how to protect ourselves, our species, from the inevitable changes that Mother Nature is sure to throw at us. After all - there is a reason why Mother Nature is referred to in the feminine sense. She is as unpredictable as, and as vengeful as, an ex-wife. It’s time to take her to court and settle this once and for all.

Hmmmm - seems I have allowed myself to digress from the main issue - which was .....????

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Back to the French River

Mr. B and I, along with two students from the school (let's call them H & J), were back to the French River the weekend of September 15th as part of the Duke of Edinburgh program. For their expedition component of the program, the girls had decided to go canoeing for three days.


Although it had been only two weeks ago that Mr. B and I were on this same river system, the scenery was very different as the foliage had already begun to change colour.

It was also colder at night and the fire skills of Mr. B were much appreciated. I don't think a single piece of fallen wood was left unburnt once we had departed the site.

The trip, though memorable in its own right, was taken over the top when Mr. B had to exit the canoe and bare his toes during a simple 'pull-over'. I had to document the occasion despite having to face the wrath of H for the 'from behind' angle of this picture.

Cartel Update - Sept. 22

I have been remiss in attending to my blog since starting back at school. So much to do at the beginning of the school year that I have been unable to find the time to sit down and update my own blog let alone peruse through the variety of blogs which I normally follow.

Anyway, since the school is off on our yearly trip to Haliburton this coming week, I was able to find a few precious moments this morning to attempt an update.

There have been several Cartel meetings since my last update but I had forgotten my camera and thus these meetings can not be properly documented. The last documented Cartel meeting was last week and as you can see from the picture, D and her cleavage was in attendance - or is that 'were in attendance'? Unfortunately, LED was unable to attend but she missed little as we did not go to a movie. It has been my observation that there seems to be a lack of good movies at this time of year. Maybe distributors also recognize the lack of free time at the beginning of a school year.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Perfect Funeral

A few days ago I ran across this article entitled "When I Die, Scatter My Ashes On A Naked Lady". It is well written and speaks to my own desires. In fact, I am off to my lawyer to have my will changed. Check out the article by clicking HERE.

Friday, September 01, 2006

The French River Canoe Trip

On Tuesday, Mr. B and I embarked on a three day canoe trip to the semi-wilds of the French River. Although hardly remote, the French River lays claim to the Massassagua Rattler, the only venomous snake in Canada, and some of the most rugged and beautiful shorelines in Ontario.

Day #1 saw us arriving at the campsite in time for Mr. B to begin work on his inuksuk. A little education here; since his work is in the shape of a man the structure he built would more properly named an inunguak.

Regardless, with the inuksuit (plural of inuksuk - can you tell school is starting in a few days) overlooking our site it was time to delve into the liquid refreshments of which there was copious quantities. Unlike any other canoe trip in my past, we had the inspiration to buy a bag of ice for the first day. The result - a mug full of quality scotch nestled among ice cubes while lounging by a fire on a rock jutting out into the river. Can life get any better?
























The next day we set off early with instructions to look for the portage by the 'old boiler'. To me this 'old boiler' looks more like a time machine gone wrong.

Despite getting lost for about an hour on a rather simple portage, with Mr. B at the helm we finally got to the lower French River and popped out onto Georgian Bay for a simple 2 km paddle eastward along the northern shore to the entrance of the Eastern French River. From here we were headed North with a vicious wind that never let up for a second.




The next portage was rather simple given that someone had the foresight to provide canoeists with a hand pulled, bed frame, cart type thingy! There is no better description of this vehicle than thingy.

Boys will be boys!















The third portage of the day - and I might add here not one which we had planned - was through a bloody swamp in which poor HouseboatBob had to get out and pull the canoe through while in his barefeet. Where was Mr. B. you might ask?

Well I first had to pull his sorry ass to the nearest rock so that he could get out and meet me at the other end without getting his precious little toes wet! We finally arrived at out campsite around 5:30 pm and were completely worn out.

That night the balance of the liquid refreshments were consumed in an effort to ward off the pain of paddling for more than 6 hours on this second day. The next morning we were off like a bolt of lightning and I leave this tale with pictures of the rugged beauty of the French River.



Monday, August 28, 2006

Cartel Update - Aug 25

Yep - two days after the last meeting the full Cartel decided to get together on Friday. I guess the women folk wanted to see if they could charm their way into a few freebies - BUT NO!


Anyway - I'm getting ready to go canoeing so this is a bit abbreviated. As was the case on Wednesday we were attended to by Danielle and Ali (pictured above). The Salt & Pepper set provided by D was a wonderful Pot of Chili accompanied by a matching Fire Extinguisher. Really neat. I have also attached a picture of the lobster claws from several weeks ago.




After dinner we went to see Little Miss Sunshine. This is an excellent movie and I highly recommend it. It is heartwarming and incredibly funny.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Cartel Update - Aug 23

With the recent return of Dr. Dandycube from the wilds of northern Ontario, I decided we needed to have a meeting to update myself on his exploits in the kayak. Since the female members of the cartel work for a living only Dr. DC and I were in attendance, along with Danielle (pictured below) and Ali from Wild Wing of course.
The night was a special treat for the boys. Since the females were not in attendance we were showered with affection by the staff and by the end of the night we each left with a Bud Light cap as well as box of 6 engraved beer glasses. They love us at Wild Wing - I'm not sure if it is our good looks, personality or our wealth of money - but - who cares we were treated like royalty.

After Wild Wing we were off to see the soon to be cult classic SNAKES ON A PLANE! You can't beat Samuel L. Jackson for entertainment value. Great movie despite the premise.

From the files of WTF!

I heard about this on the news tonight and initially thought it was a joke. For about 4 years now there has existed an organization called International Homeless Soccer (IHS), and this year the IHS World Cup is being played in South Africa. Yep, homeless people from about 40 countries will compete in a tournament to see which country's homeless will dominate the soccer pitch.

I may seem a bit callous here but why the heck are we raising money to send homeless people to South Africa when the money could be used for better purposes, maybe to help alleviate the suffering of all homeless people. Now - some questions do spring to mind.

One - what the heck are you going to do with the trophy if your team wins - put it in your shopping cart?

Two - If you go to a warm sunny place like Capetown, South Africa why would you want to be put on a plane and come back to the freezing streets of Toronto?

Three - How do you get a passport without a permanent address?

Four - What's next - the Rubbydub Rugby World Finals?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Old Man & The Sea

Once again we have a guest entry from Dr. DC who has recently returned from his adventure to the north of Superior. The big Gitche Gumee. The lake that took down the Edmund Fitzgerald in 1975. The disaster being later immortalized by Gordon Lightfoot in his song "The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald".

Anyway - suffice to say it is a scary lake and Dr. DC left his home last week hell bent to paddle (in his brand new kayak) out to copper island some 10 or so miles off the north shore of the big Gitche Gumee. I'll let him tell his story.
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Bobby!!! Just got back! The virgin kayaker fulfills his greatest dream! The trip was magnificent! I once again felt like a 16-year-old virgin in the capable hands of a 35-year-old hooker from Val d'Or. All was right in the world!

In the early morning of August 17, 2006, I saw the sunbeams glint off the Lake as she first caught sight of my manly, 15 foot, rigid kayak; of course, tantalizingly ribbed in all the right places.




But, to be honest, it was with a mix of trepidation, longing and bashfulness that I donned my protection and mounted her soft, supple body. While afraid to look, I knew that her horizon was spreading before me. In that moment I knew that life would never be the same again. I thrust my untried paddle into her waters and felt her gently give way as she relished the first passion and fumbling of my inexperience (this, I believe, is the dream of all coquette lakes).





So, as she began to heave and moan, I was forced to thrust my paddle deeper and harder.




Panting, she grew wetter and wetter and pulled me down upon her writhing waves. Clearing my mind of all petty things, I gave in to the pure, carnal lust of her fury. On and on and on I rode.


Hours later, sweating, tired and very sore, I eased my kayak out. That night I had a very fitful sleep. With her scent still lingering upon me, I re-lived every passionate moment of the day before. Each day after, I rode her over and over and over......addicted to her tempestuous wiles.

But, all things have their season; my time to leave had arrived. On that final morning, I could not just drive away without one last encounter. Early as the sun rose upon her majestic body, I crept upon her one last time. Mesmerized by the gentle rising and falling of her swollen crests, I rode her as she slept. Then, as I made ready to leave, she awoke just enough to wave good-bye.

Now......we only meet in our dreams.