MFF - Update

Part 3 of the Male Fanatsy Files (The Beach) is now available.

Damn Bill Gates

OK - a friend of mine just pointed out that when I coloured a word on my site, the following text was also coloured. This was news to me so I checked it out and found that my blog looks correct if you are using Safari or Netscape but if you use Internet Explorer it is all buggered up. Damn that Bill Gates.

I have modified my main site to account for this, however, when I went to my other sites using Explorer I found that in addition to the colour problem, the page formatting was also buggered up. Damn that Bill Gates. Anyway - I can't do anything about the format and I'm not even sure if it is buggered up with Explorer Version 6.0 since I can only check it with version 5.2.

So - for those out there using Explorer, well - I feel sorry for you but please let me know if the formatting on the other sites (which should be similar to the main site) is buggered up as I have noticed.

Once Again - Damn that Bill Gates.

The Arrival of Spring in Canada

Despite the fact that there is about 2 feet of snow in my parking lot and that the temperature was a blazing -18 degrees below ( that’s -1 in Fahrenheit) this morning, spring has finally come to Canada. Yep - tonight I saw my first advertisement on TV for Tim Horton’s Rrrrrroll Up The Rrrrrim To Win annual contest.

For my friends south of the border, Timmy’s coffee is the absolute best in the world and it has become a Canadian icon - despite now being owned by an American chain - but we are used to that. The annual contest signifies to Canadians that spring has arrived and it gives us another excuse to buy that extra cup of coffee per day. Soon the snow will melt and the snowbanks will recede yielding discarded losing coffee cups by the millions. By the way - when you say ‘Roll up the Rim’ - a true Canadian must roll the “R’s”.

Munch Munch

This is the sound of me eating my own words. The Olympics are over for another 4 years and despite my ranting of last week, Another-Snow-Day-Rant, Canada did come extremely close to achieving the predicted 25 medals. We finished with 24 and would have had the 25 if only Canadian men could play hockey.

On the bright side (well not actually that bright) I did predict, responding to a Trekreb Post, that we would out-medal the U.S. of A. OK, I was a wee bit optimistic two weeks ago but we came close with the U.S. finishing with 25 medals. Damn the men's hockey team!

Tie File Updated

Because of skiing, this past week was only a four days long. It appears that I will be able to achieve my goal since I have more than 5 ties in the old drawer and March break is only a week away. Considering the school is closed for two weeks, I am thinking about extended my No Duplicate Tie challenge to the end of March. Ahhhh - it is the little goals in life which give us so much pleasure.

Male Fantasy Files Updated

Finally, after a long and grueling week - 4 whole days this week - the Male Fantasy Files have been updated.

More Brokeback

OK - I thought this was funny. I'm not sure how long I will leave it on my blog but it is worth a peek.

Weekly Cartel Update - Feb. 24

Once again this week the Cartel was a member short as L.E.D. (aka Debbie) was not in attendance - something about a secret mission in the jungles of Peru. We did however have a full staff of regulars at the World Famous Wild Wing to greet us this week. First to meet with the Cartel with her award winning smile was Crystal who provided us with much needed beverages. This was followed by the much too cute and happy Danielle who stopped by for a chat and provide us with the aforementioned world famous wings. Finally, late as usual, was our all time favourite socialite - Tanya - who basically came over to chat while avoiding work. It was Tanya who received this week’s Salt & Pepper set - a pair of puppies. This is only one of the 37 photos that I had to take of Tanya before she finally gave her approval.

After wings we were off to see Running Scared. What can I say - plenty of guns, needless violence, naked women, more violence, all combined with a wee bit of humour, a Mustang convertible and a few pucks to the head. Definitely a 10 out of 10 on the male scale.

Do Blacks Blog?

All day today I was thinking about the comments of Bryant Gumball (see previous blog) and it got me to thinking about other areas where there is a PAUCITY of blacks. It is true what Bryant said - there are not many blacks in the winter Olympics, and being Canadian I know there are only a handful of blacks who play hockey. I suspect it has a lot to do with the cold weather.

I must admit that living in Canada, and specifically not Toronto, the number of black people I know is few. In fact, the only regular black person I come into contact with is my boss who was born in Africa and I know he doesn't particularly enjoy the cold weather. In fact there are many "Canadian" things he does not enjoy such as camping, canoeing, and complaining about the weather. In a recent conversation we had, he stated that he never understood the white persons desire to just complain about something for the sake of complaining especially over things that can't be changed. Being African gives him a unique perspective on things. I mean seriously - complaining about the weather is our national past time. That and wondering why we can't win every hockey game. Neither one can we do anything about.

But I digress - similar to NASCAR it would seem that blogging is not a 'black' thing, at least from my own observations. Every day I click on the little button in the right hand corner of the blog page and make it a point to visit at least ten new blog sites. In thinking about it, I can't remember a single one of these blogs having been written by a black person - not that the colour of the author is obvious in a lot of cases. I may be wrong so please feel free to enlighten me but I get the feeling that Black People Do Not Blog - which makes sense considering most blogs are just people complaining about things they can't change.

By the way - to answer your question Trekreb - this is the state of my baby for 6 months of the year.

You Gotta Love Canadians

Just heard on the news that the province of Newfoundland has cancelled school today (Friday) so that the kids can stay home and watch their hometown boy (Brad Gushue) play for the Gold medal in his match with Finland. Oh - the sport - Curling of course! For you Americans out there - take pride in the Bronze medal your own Pete Fenson took home.

Despite what the incredibly dumb Bryant Gumbel said on national (HBO) television - see quote below - I must admit I enjoy the Winter Olympics more than the summer games - and it is not because of the lack of blacks competing. Rather, as a Canadian, it gives me a reason to stay inside where it is warm instead of being out there freezing my arse off shovelling snow.

"Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don't like them and won't watch them ... Because they're so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world's greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something's not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what's called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won ... So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they're done, when we can move on to March Madness— - for God's sake, let the games begin."

The Male Fantasy Files

After some thought I decided that I could not post the Male Fantasy Files on my main blog site since a number of my students visit this site. On the other hand I couldn't wimp out and not post the Male Fantasy Files - so - you will find the ongoing saga of the Male Fantasy at my new site (look to the sidebar). Enter at your own risk! By the way - I'm back to work tomorrow so don't expect updates anytime soon.

Men are from Earth

With two days off of work last week, because of consecutive snow days, I’ve been bored and have spent a lot of time bloggin’ around. In my electronic travels I’ve noticed something interesting about females and their blog sites. In my limited experience I would say that the vast majority of sexually explicit fantasies are written by female bloggers, the most notable in my blogging circle being Sunny Delight. While I do enjoy reading these fantasies, I must admit that, in most cases, these fantasies don’t really appeal to me. This got me to thinking - why?

Obviously my first thought was that since they were written by women I can’t enjoy the story from the perspective from which it was written - but there is more. I have also observed that fantasies written by women are usually not accompanied by many pictures. Female fantasies are generally written for the literate, which in my opinion excludes most men who rely heavily on pictures to keep their interest. I mean seriously, look at any issue of a men’s magazine - there are many more pictures than stories. The stories are just the excuse to buy the magazine in the first place.

With this new insight I though I would try to write a male sexual fantasy. The rules of writing same are simple. Include a very basic plot line with a lot of pictures and most importantly a plot that leaves a lot to the imagination. Fantasies written by females tend to be very specific - he caressed my ..., my lips found his ..., his tongue explored my ..., well, you get the idea. This, in my humble opinion, doesn’t appeal to men. This ‘female’ style is too reminiscent of our marriages (or in some cases ex-marriages) - being told what to do, when to do it, and sometimes how to do it. These stories are too ‘bossy’ - they don’t take into account that men are individuals, capable of a vast array of imaginative thought. Think about it - put a man in a locked, 8 by 8 foot room with a tennis ball and in 3 hours time he will have invented at least 17 games to play.

Anyway - this is my goal for today. Off to the internet I go to seek out pictures to match my story.

Weekly Cartel Update - Feb. 18

Yet again the old man was not able to make the weekly Cartel meeting at Wild Wing. The fact that both Mrs. C. and Darlene did make it, despite the freezing temperatures, had me somewhat worried as I knew I was going to be railroaded into going to see that 8 degree dog movie. As it turned out the movie was sold out and we had to go with our second choice (my first choice) Freedomland. You see, there is a God in Heaven. I have to say it was an extraordinary movie and the actress Julianne Moore (she was in the movie Forgotten) should receive an Academy Award nomination. The movie was that good and her role in it was amazingly intense.

However, not all was good for Bobby tonight. Our Salt & Pepper donation to Wild Wing this week was a pair of Pink Kitty Cats. Awwww - so cute! Anyway, after giving the cats we got into a conversation with Charlene (the girl on the right - Ali is the girl on the left) and Charlene thought that Mrs. C. and I were married to each other and that Darlene was our daughter. Now I have to say, without any offence intended towards Darlene, that I was a bit put off. There is only 6 years difference between Darlene and I. I mean really - do I look that old - not that Darlene looks old - Oh Hell - there is no way to say this without getting into more trouble. Suffice it to say I was wee bit miffed. But in defence of Charlene, I have to say she is the most attentive waitress I’ve met in a long time. Not 5 minutes went by without her checking in to see if we needed anything - for myself - I like that. What can I say - a great staff at Wild Wing - even if their eyesight is a bit off.

Jealous of Janelle

Today (M) comes for a visit and finds herself consumed with jealousy over Janelle, my chair! It was quite the cat fight I must say. In the end (M) won but she did take a wicked left hook to the eye. Of course I had to buy her lunch to make up for Janelle's behaviour.

Tie Update

In the past two weeks there have been a total of 3 snow days and the kids were off skiing last Friday. The result - only six ties required in the past two weeks. It should be easy to achieve my goal now - though as you can see, I had to resort to my polka dot tie earlier in the week.

Thank You Oklahoma!

Two snow days off in a row - and a Thursday / Friday to beat! I want to give a big thank you to the wonderful state of Oklahoma for sending their low pressure system this way. It took a while to get here but I'm glad it didn't come any sooner. Get it - Oklahoma Sooners! Man I'm so happy I could sing a song about that state - if only someone had written one.

This one's for you Trekreb

One of my fellow bloggers has stated that Canadians should be proud of our heritage , specifically as it realtes to our beer. I must admit as Canadians we do, or rather did, take a lot of pride in our beer. Besides hockey, brewing beer was the only thing Canadians did better than our good old friends to the south.

But in the past few years that has all changed. Our oldest brewery, Molsons (since 1786) is now owned by Coors. Molsons catch phrase used to be I Am Canadian. As you can see the catch phrase had to be modified last year.












Our second oldest and perhaps most noted brewery, Labatts (since 1847) is now owned by a Belgian company. In the spirit of the great global economy however, Labatts has a brewing agreement with Budweiser for production in Canada. The result - the number one selling beer in Canada is - naturally - Budweiser.

Another Snow Day Rant

This was to be the year of ‘No Excuses’ for the Canadian Olympic team. Prior to this year’s winter Olympics, the Canadian Olympic Committee actually went out on a limb and predicted 25 medals for Canadian athletes at Turino. For those of you unaware of Canadian athletics, Canadian athletes have always complained about the lack of government funding and used the lack of funding as their excuse for doing so poorly at the Olympics (both summer and winter). Well the issue of funding was dealt with, especially for the winter sports, and the Canadian Olympic Committee promised Canadians that this was the year of ‘No More Excuses’ and that our medal total would reach 25 in Turino. They even called the program OWN THE PODIUM. I almost believed the lie - almost!

Why won’t we live up to the medal expectations? Because we are Canadians damnit and our athletes don’t really want to put it all on the line to win - it is far easier to bitch and complain - in fact this is our national past time - too bad their wasn’t an Olympic event for whining.

I just finished watching the speed skating team-pursuit event in which two teams, of three people each, race around the track and the first team across the line wins. Canada was in the finals in both the women's and men's events. We were guaranteed at least a silver in each and since the Canadian men's team held the current world record there was a fair chance for gold with an outside chance for two gold medals. What did we walk away with - the minimum possible outcome - two silvers.

In both the women's and men's events the opposing teams (Italians in men's and Germans in women's) left nothing on the ice. At the end of the race the opposing teams were exhausted - to the point of almost puking. For a long time the winning teams were more interested in getting air into their lungs then they were over the fact that they had captured the gold. The Canadians - well they were fine thank you. It looked like they saved a wee bit so that they could be the first to proudly raise the Canadian flag, all the while skating around the rink smiling at the CBC cameras. The Canadians weren’t exhausted - no they were laughing and happy. After all - they captured second place! Why didn’t the Canadians put it all on the line to win gold?

To answer that question you have to understand the Canadian mentality. In any competition we are happy just ‘to do our personal best’. We don’t need to win to feel good about ourselves - in fact winning is something we don’t do - unless we fluke out. In almost every Olympic event where a Canadian current world record holder was a participant, the Canadian didn’t take gold as you might expect. In fact, most didn’t even take away a medal. Understand - Canadians are happy with second - or third - or just to be there. In fact we are ecstatic even if we are 18th - as long as we beat the dreaded U.S. of A. - even if it is in some obscure event such as Mongolian Midget Tossing.

It drives me crazy how, as a nation, we are content with simply ‘doing our best’. There is no true competitive spirit in Canada. We are much happier being loved by all nations and wouldn’t want to jeopardise that feeling by actually winning a competition, or as we see it, beating someone in a competition. No More Excuses? Wrong, there is always one more excuse - that being; Excuse me, I Am Canadian.

Hanging On

There are moments in one's life when you wish that the Merry-Go-Round would just stop so that you could get off. This is where I am now - wishing that the damn thing would at least slow down so I could jump off. But it never does, so I just hold on tighter because the worst is to jump off at high speed. Maybe I'll buy a lottery ticket tonight on the way home so that I can dream of what it would be like to have the Merry-Go-Round stop - just once - just for a second.

Happy Valentine's Day

One of my least favourite days of celebration. Actually come to think about it, I think I only enjoy Hallowe'en. In case you are in need of a few lines for that grocery store card - please feel free to use any of the following.

These are entries to a paper competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but....the least romantic second line.

1. Thought that I could love no other...
That is until I met your brother.

2. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you...
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

3. Of loving beauty you float with grace...
If only you could hide your face

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss...
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

5. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;...
This describes everything you are not

6. I want to feel your sweet embrace...
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

7. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes...
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

8. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife...
Marrying you screwed up my life

9. I see your face when I am dreaming...
That's why I always wake up screaming

10. My love, you take my breath away...
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

11. My feelings for you no words can tell...
Except for maybe - go to hell.

12. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Good Luck, Kate!

Monday morning (Feb. 13) at 4 am our time, the Olympic snowboarding women's half pipe qualifying event will take place and a student of mine, Kate Foster, will be competing. Kate is competing for the British team since she has dual citizenship but I won't hold that against her. I wish you well, Kate.

Weekly Cartel Update - Feb. 11

This week the Cartel was once again a member shy as Darlene was off on a top secret mission somewhere in Eastern Europe. Nonetheless, the Cartel did manage a threesome as Mrs. C. (aka LED) was able to break out of prison and join us. Things at Wild Wing were not quite the same though as none of the regular girls were in attendance. The two new girls, however, did treat us with the reverence we have come to expect - even pouring our beer for us. This week’s Salt & Pepper set was a slightly out of focus matching book set. For old time sake, I also took a picture of the John Deere tractor set which we donated several weeks ago - one of my favourites.

After dinner we proceeded to the theatre to watch the new Harrison Ford movie, Firewall. Two things I enjoyed, first - that a 63 year old guy can still kick the crap out of some young pups and second - Mary Lynn Rajskub from 24 fame. I love her pissy attitude on 24 and wasn’t disappointed in her role in this movie.

Bobby Can get in big trouble now!

I just got this off of Sunny's site - thanks Sunny. Sooo Cool! I can see all sorts of trouble now - especially with my phone bill. This one is for you, Darlene.

See the World

Finally made it to Friday but I am dog tired and really don't have much to say. Did run across this neat program though that creates a map of the world showing where you have visited. As you can see I've been to a lot of countries in the world but there are still huge gaps - I need more money to fill in the holes. The site also includes a program for mapping out the states you have visited in the United States. Unfortunately, my map is rather boring since I've been to every state but Alaska.

Give it a try - I would love to see where my fellow bloggers have been.Click Here

On Being Canadian - again eh.

A Top Ten List - Why Not!

Top Ten Reasons why it is great to be Canadian.


#10 - Government sponsored health care.

#9 - Nothing to do on Saturday? - there is always Hockey Night in Canada.

#8 - No one in the world hates us, other countries either love us or don’t know who we are.

#7 - We are extremely polite.

#6 - I apologize if #7 was offensive to anyone.

#5 - We put the 'U' back in Humour. Ok so there is already one 'U' but we put in another - because we are so polite we don't want to take a chance and leave U out.

#4 - Two Words - Tim Hortons

#3 - May Two Four weekend - Every Year!

#2 - Our national symbol is the Beaver!

And the number one reason why it is great to be a Canadian - and the reason that I even started this list ...



#1 - Snow Days ! ! !

The Mad Chemist

My abilities to wear a grass skirt and carry it off were (unfortunately?) not put to the test last night. Much to my dismay, the stupid skirt was about six inches shy of getting around my waist. Even with the adjustable velcro strap, no matter how I adjusted the skirt I couldn’t find a suitable six inches to reveal - I was limited by the fact that there were parents of children I teach at this function. Slightly embarrassed (I’ve seen some big girls wearing these grass skirts) I moved to plan B, that being the wearing of my Corona boxers.

It was a great night despite the five inches of snow that fell during the few hours we were at the school. My drink station wound up being the most popular, not only because of the Corona boxers but also in part because I did not stick to the recipe card and mixed drinks using any and all ingredients which I was able to pilfer from other stations. I will admit to a few failures at first but after a few drinks no one seemed to notice and the mad chemist was mixing and drinking with abandon. This photo must have been taken near the end of the night.

And of course we couldn’t let the evening pass without some frolicking in the snow. Pictured here is my attempt to create the perfect snow angel. Despite efforts by Meghan to destroy my masterpiece, my snow angel turned out well and if it weren’t for the power failure later that evening I believe I would have received the top honours.