Tuesday, December 20, 2005

A Christmas Present for Bob

One day, that’s all it took to finally get my Christmas shopping done! Well almost, I have one more gift to pick up but I know what it is and more importantly where it is, so basically I am done.

While I was shopping I was thinking of that day during the summer when I purchased an early Christmas gift to myself. One afternoon, following lunch, a friend of mine (let’s call him John) and I were bored so we decided to wander through furniture stores looking at recliners. After an hour or so I saw it - the chair of my dreams. Although it was one of the most expensive recliners on display, I knew I had to have it. It was a beauty! Not only was it a recliner but it swivelled and could be used as a rocker. It was my destiny to have this chair. I could see myself smothered in its warm embrace on a cold winters night, a brandy in one hand and a cigar in the other. As an aside, the preceding imagery was provided by my friend John who at that moment was living vicariously through my wallet since he was too cheap to buy his own chair. I believe he now regrets that decision. Pulling out my credit card and delivering a maximum blow to it, the chair was purchased and delivered a week later. It took me almost the entire week to rearrange my apartment to create a space worthy of this chair.

Now that I had the chair I knew I couldn’t keep calling it The Chair. After all it had personality, it was a part of my life now. I was often heard bragging about The Chair to all my friends. The Chair needed a name.

Several weeks later and no closer to a name, I remember sitting in The Chair while watching Big Brother on CBS when the phone rang. It was a friend of mine, Barb, and she had called to offer her list of potential names for the chair. She stated that the logic for her choices was that since the colour of my chair was blonde (the store officially lists the colour as mushroom), she had chosen names of famous female blondes. It was then that inspiration hit me. My favourite person on Big Brother was Janelle, a blonde. Like my chair, Janelle was strong, someone who could be relied upon. Like my chair, Janelle was soft and beautiful. It was perfect - from that moment forward my chair was to be known as Janelle. I was immensely proud of myself for waiting for the right inspiration and finally selecting a name worthy of my chair!

It was sometime later, a few months after Big Brother ended, that I learned Janelle, that dyed blonde Strumpet, had posed for Playboy before joining Big Brother. How dare the tart taint the reputation of my Janelle! How could she do this to me - my chair would be the laughing stock of all my friends. I must admit I took the news pretty hard for a few months before finally embracing the idea that my chair should be the object of desire by many. With this in mind I decided that my Janelle should also have a photo spread worthy of the most beautiful chair in the world.

Of course the first pose has to be a full on frontal.



Next comes the relaxed, horizontal pose
favoured by many a long-legged blonde.



Finally, the pose from the rear with an over-the-shoulder,
'come-hither' look with just a hint of her mechanism showing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have been empassioned by your bold and manly tale of the two pulchritudinous Janelles. My eyes experienced that dampness so often befalling the more gentle sex. Forgive my presumptiveness if I embrace the prospect that, being most assuredly a man of the highest honour, you have apportioned your wealth, keeping the eternally beautiful chaise for yourself and giving to your erudite young friend the other Janelle, whose beauty may be likened unto a flatulence : so delicious at the moment of presentation, but whose lingering presence cannot be endured.