Weekly Cartel Update - Apr. 28

Considering the Cartel didn't meet last week, the turn out this week was rather disappointing with only two members being able to make it. And so it was that LED and I found ourselves the only members willing to make the sacrifice to keep the tradition alive. But eat and drink we did.

LED, having just flown in from Egypt ( and boy were her arms tired ), presented the Wild Wing staff with a most amazing Salt & Pepper set. LED had gone to great lengths to make up for error of trying to pass off a bogus Salt & Pepper set two weeks ago. As can be seen here, Crystal is attempting her best Egyptian lion impression by trying to eat the set - in order to prove to herself that the set is made from real gold.


Speaking of Crystal, two weeks ago Crystal was sworn to secrecy when Dr. DC and I tried to make amends for the bogus Salt & Pepper set by showing up the following day with a 'real' Salt & Pepper set. Well it took Crystal all of 6.5 minutes before she told LED about the secret mission of Dr. DC and myself. As I have stated in previous blogs, women can't be trusted and our favourite Crystal is no exception to the rule.

After dining, LED and I were off to the movies to see RV with Robin Williams. Not a bad movie, in fact LED gave it 5 snorts on the laughter scale.

Home Sweet Home

Just a quick update to let you all know I'm alive. Yes - I survived the Willie Nelson concert.

I realize I am behind in my bloggin and I will get to the Cartel update soon but now I must off to do my taxes.

A Healthy Alternative

Finally a report from the medical field that is good and is good for you. After years of studies and reports informing us about the harmful effects of everything we find pleasurable to eat, the medical community has finally got its act together and released a report detailing something that is actually beneficial to our health - and no it is not broccoli.


If you wish to get your daily dose of exercise and contribute to the general health of the male, and female, population of the world I highly recommend visiting the following site My Free Implants and make a donation. Remember, the life you save may be your own.

Male Fantasy Files Update - The Quest Realized

Finally - after several months at sea - The Male Fantasy File Update #10 - The Quest Realized - is now available. Click on the Link to the Right.

The Emasculation of the Male

It took me almost 40 years to discover the perfect fit. In that time I had tried, and put up with the discomfort of, a variety of styles and brands of underwear. Styles such as briefs and boxers and brands such as Fruit Of The Loom, Stanfield's, Calvin Klein and Jockey to name but a few. While these companies make a fine product, no matter what style or brand I tried I was not happy, or rather should I say, the boys were not happy. The underwear were too tight - too loose - too restricting - or too itchy. As I said, it was 40 years before I finally discovered bliss in cotton.

Hanes Men's Cotton Boxer Briefs were the answers to my prayers. Hanes provided the perfect fit. My personal colour preference being the black or gray, though I do have a fine selection of red in the drawer for those special evenings. Since the discovery of Hanes, the boys have been happy and ... shall we say - well adjusted! That is, until recently.


This past weekend I picked up a two pack of black and red underwear. I didn't even look at the package other than to confirm they were Hanes and that the picture showed that they were Boxer Briefs. The boys were excited as I rushed home with my new purchase! They and I were looking forward to the feel of brand new Hanes sliding up my thighs to nestle the boys in cotton comfort. (I'm a simple man with simple pleasures). Anyway - I get home, rip open the package and with much anticipation pull on a pair of the new underwear. The fit was perfect. The comfort factor was incredible. All was right with the world except ... except something was wrong.


It took me a few minutes to discover what was missing. There was no pouch door. No side entry. Had I mistakenly purchased female underwear? No, the package clearly showed a man on the cover. Had I put them on backward? A quick twist of the hips and a peek between the knees confirmed that they were on right way around. Had I purchased a defective pair? It was at this point that I looked more closely at the package and saw the words - Retro Short.


What the heck? A new style of Hanes? One that is missing the much desired and appreciated pouch for that quick adjustment during the day. Why remove the pouch? The pouch was the defining feature in men's underwear. Hanes makes women's underwear in much the style of the men's but the significant difference has been the pouch.


I began to ponder why the company would remove the pouch. Is this some sick metaphor in cotton? Is Retro Fit designed for the new age Metro-Sexual male? Is the president of the company female? Has corporate America decided that males should not be allowed to adjust themselves in public. Why the change? The only answer I have is that this new style signals the final step in the emasculation of the male! What next - permanently affixed toilet seat covers?

Easter Weekend

I spent my entire Easter weekend underneath an old, rusting houseboat. It was cold and windy and the work was ugly and dirty. After 4 days I am now sore, tired and dirty myself. I have Fiberglas resin in my hair, paint in my nose, bondo on my arms and rust flecks in my eyes.

I did however have a lot of time to think. Sometime yesterday, while hanging upside down scraping rust off a pontoon, it came to me why ships are referred to in the feminine sense. All this work, investment in time and money, as well as the pain I have to go through for just a few great moments this summer. I get the connection - ships like women require a lot of work for so little return. I have calculated that it would be cheaper to rent a houseboat whenever I wanted as opposed to the investment of owning one. Hmmmm - how would that work with women?



Here is the view of my world for the past 4 days.

Weekly Cartel Update - Apr. 14

The full cartel membership was in attendance this week. The meeting had been moved up to Friday since some members had family commitments on the Saturday - something to do with Easter I believe. The meeting was filled with much emotion as D and LED almost got into a cat fight about which movie to see - as if they had a choice - they seem to forget that every week Dr. DandyCube chooses the restaurant and I choose the movie. This is the way it has always been - a tradition of sorts. Speaking of tradition - the tradition of presenting a Salt & Pepper set was continued with the presentation of two cute little dogs. Here we see the lovely Charlene holding the dogs. There were a few tense moments as well when Tanya mistakenly assumed that one of the cartel members had insulted her - something to do with her hips. Though an apology was quickly offered, Tanya is still considering whether or not to accept same.

OK OK - I can not let this lie continue any further. Although the female members had sworn us ( the truthful, upstanding, tradition upholding male members ) to secrecy, I can no longer abide by the deceit imposed upon us by the female members of the cartel. As one of the originating members I must put my foot down and demand the truth be told. In truth, we did not present a Salt & Pepper set to the staff at Wild Wing. The two cute little dogs are nothing more than ornamental decorations with absolutely no holes in their cute little fire helmet heads for the dispensing of salt & pepper. LED had told us that she would supply the salt & pepper set for this week but when she brought them out we all realized that they were not salt & pepper shakers. Of course Dr. DC and I wanted to tell the truth and apologize immediately to the staff for our error but the female members initiated a plan to dupe the poor unsuspecting staff. As you can see here, D is using a pen to draw in the 'holes' to make it appear as if the dogs are a salt & pepper set.

I must apologize on behalf of the entire cartel for this horrid deception. As the originators of the cartel, I and Dr. DC must make amends. We must right the wrong. We can not allow the 125 week tradition we have established to die simply because of a mistake compounded by outright deception. We will not allow the females to destroy what we have built! The legacy (see pictures below) must live!

One Full Moon To Go

As I look at the full moon tonight I can't help wishing I was on the houseboat. This weekend I am off to the marina for the annual ritual of scraping, painting and repairing the pontoons. It is an ugly job but one which must be done if I am to avoid a repeat of last year. Last spring I took the lazy approach and did not attend to the annual ritual. On the first trip out I found myself in the middle of the lake at midnight in a boat that was slowly sinking. The boat, at great expense and inconvenience, had to be pulled out of the water and I had to spend two solid weeks of prime summer time on repairs.

This year I am hopeful that my preventative measures this weekend will pay off with a trouble free summer of sailing - so to speak. A summer filled with memorable lake adventures beginning with the annual howling at the moon. As I look at the calendar it appears that the first howl is destined to be on June 11th.

The Quest Is Over ! ! !

Well ladies and gentlemen - it is a day of mixed emotions. I am both saddened and glad to announce that the quest has finally reached its conclusion. The tie drawer is empty (except for two really ugly ties). Since beginning the quest on January 3rd, I have managed to wear a different tie each day to school. That is a total of 55 ties over the course of a term and a half. I believe this is a new Canadian record!

Now my question is - what the heck do I now do with my Tie Files blog page? Shall it become my quest page? Who knows. Stay tuned to see what happens to the Tie Files.

Male Fantasy Files Update

The Male Fantasy File Update #9 - The Amazonian Jungle Women - is now available.


Click on the Link to the Right.

Male Fantasy Files Update

The Male Fantasy File Update #8 - The Land of the Polka Dotted Females - is now available.


Click on the Link to the Right.

Weekly Cartel Update - Apr. 8

At long last, due to the combination of illness and travel plans of our female members, the original male members of the cartel were finally able to get in some uninterrupted, quality Menschkeit time. Our discussions mainly centered around women and their affect upon mankind (both positive and negative) and by the end of our evening at Wild Wing we had solved most of the world's problems.

Given that Easter is upon us it seemed only fitting to present the staff with a Bunny and Egg Salt & Pepper set this week. Pictured here is Crystal who was a trooper and agreed to have her picture taken even though she was suffering from a cold and, in her words, didn't look her best. Our thanks go to Crystal for keeping the tradition alive.





Also adding to our dining pleasure was our favourite Charlene, pictured here with Suji one of the owners of Wild Wing. It was Charlene who provided the Cartel with some insider information about the menu at Wild Wing. She informed us that Wild Wing was going to expand their menu next week to include a selection of wraps, apparently in response to the demands of women who are concerned about their carb intake. I suppose this is the price we must pay for progress but really - if you are concerned about your carbs get your butt to some salad joint or stay home! Why interfere with the business of men?

Our original plan for the evening had been to go see the movie Lucky Number Slevin but our plans had to be altered with the arrival of a beer "on the house" courtesy of our esteemed host, Suji. What could we do? One does not refuse a beer - especially during Menschkeit time. Several beers (and carb loaded fries with gravy) later we finally left Wild Wing in search of a movie. Given that our selection of a movie was based entirely upon what was playing when we got to the theatre, it was not surprising to find ourselves watching a crappy remake of a Wes Craven movie entitled, The Hills Have Eyes. My recommendation - don't even rent the DVD if and when it comes out. But it could have been worse I suppose, if we had gotten to the theatre 10 minutes later we would have been forced to choose Brokeback Mountain!

Tis The Season

I'm getting near the end of the quest as evidenced by this week's tie selection. Some of my finest Chirstmas ties on display, including the much favoured Rudolph Tie complete with musical chimes and red LED's for eyes. I believe I can make it to Easter break, only four days next week, but I will be scraping the bottom of the well by Thursday.

If you think that this week's ties were a bit inappropriate, please take a look at the picture below. It was taken earlier today. Spring in Canada!

HouseboatBob - Pathetic or Prophet - Vote Below.

Last week I posted a blog, entitled The Selling of Women questioning why women found it necessary to hide themselves under layers of make-up, jewelry, and surgery. Though some might have initially thought I was a kind, caring, sensitive, new-age guy who wanted mankind to look beneath the outer layers forced upon women by society to discover the true female below the surface, in fact the blog supports the view, held by many a man, that beauty is only skin deep and that as long as that skin remains intact - we are ok with that. In fact the better the packaging, the better the product.

Don't be fooled - women know men are shallow and they package themselves accordingly to attract us poor men like moths to a flame. And, as is the fate of every good moth, we fall for it and wind up getting burnt. If you don't believe me then just take a look at Ken's face in the following cartoon published earlier this week, courtesy of Mother Goose and Grimm.

The Male Fantasy Files

The Male Fantasy File Update #7 - A Bevy of Boobs - is now available.


Click on the Link to the Right.

The Male Fantasy Files

The Male Fantasy File Update #6 - The Land of the Mermaids - is now available.


Click on the Link to the Right.

Weekly Cartel Update - Apr. 1

Another week and another successful meeting of the group of four. This week Darlene surprised us with our very own personalized, engraved Cartel knives. These female members of the Cartel keep raising the standard with each passing week. Dr. DandyCube and I have come to the conclusion that, in order to keep up, next week we are going to have to supply the Cartel with personalized thongs from Victoria's Secret.

This week Wild Wing was staffed by the lovely Ali and Tanya who were presented with Watermelon Salt & Pepper shakers. In fact they were presented with two identical sets (which when put together formed an entire watermelon) since Dr. DC and I had our wires crossed. Ali and Tanya are pictured here trying to eat the watermelons - you can add your own comments here as I'll get in trouble with Tanya if I put in what I want to say about this picture.

After Wild Wing we were off to see Basic Instinct 2. Though not a favourite of the critics I found the movie excellent. For someone who is 48 years old, Sharon Stone has an amazing body! It also amazed me that she could pull off basically the same role some 14 years after the first - one sexy lady.

Well Below Empty

My quest to not wear the same tie continues well beyond the limits of good taste and decency. This week I had to pull out those narrow ties that had last seen the light of day when Abba was topping the charts. Fortunately, this post can be combined with the onset of April and Miss Sharae. Gaze if you will upon this picture entitled, "Beauty and the Beasts".

Blog for Sale or Rent

Well fellow bloggers, it would seem that Dr. DandyCube once again has a burr up his ass and has requested time to vent on HouseboatBob's Blog. As Dr. DC is one of my most trusted friends, I am honoured to comply.

Male Dress and Deportment

I was quietly lounging in the tub this morning when the radio reported that our Prime Minister Harper had made a fashion faux pas while in Mexico. Supposedly he wore a green vest/pullover/whatever which reputedly made him look like "a green pear". Well.....I, and I am sure all married men, quivered with a sympathetic wince.

Memories flooded in on me....a university gathering where I was wearing a green and yellow striped shirt. I knew exactly what I looked like. I knew exactly what I would look like the moment that I saw the shirt. BUT...this shirt was lovingly (hmmmm....not so sure anymore) purchased by my wife and presented to me with that knowing smile that I always dressed too drab. Yes, I like drab. I want to disappear into the background. I do not want to stand out as a man dressed by his wife.

Why do women want to dress their male partners? And why do they think they know what is best for them? After all the years of dressing poor little Ken, you would think that she could dress us. Clothes do make the man! Put on a clean, crisp suit and you walk tall and proud. You can look directly into the eyes of others. You can win hearts in clothes like that. Put on a green and yellow striped shirt and the same man hunches over like Quasimoto, skulking along with his head hanging down. Clothes alter our very nature.


Men used to dress like men. Give me a sword and dagger in my belt, a fine hat on my head with a long plume, high black leather boots, a puffy white shirt, a doublet, a fine silk cloak on my shoulder and I feel like I am somebody: a knight on a fair mission. I can be chivalrous and compassionate. I can be knowing, sentimental, intellectual. I can be pure and good. How could I be anything else? With a green and yellow shirt, I am a contemptible little worm slithering away from humanity.

So...there is our poor Prime Minister Harper, in front of his mirror, putting on the ritz, dressed to the nines...a caballero, a cavalier, a true knight errant. But alas, even a mighty knight may be caught unawares by a dwarf, a troll, or worse, a dragon...then, too late...our knight turns to look into the very maw of the beast as it belches its fury and fire...."Dear...put on this green vest that I got you..." The chest collapses, the sword evaporates, the cape becomes a pair of underwear, the high black boots become over-tight socks. "Yes Dear....".