Warning !!!

I warn all readers - you may read the following blog - but - once read, you can't unread it. Proceed at your own risk.

So Monday was the snow day and the weather was brutal but I had to venture out. I had a doctors appointment.

You see, several weeks ago while doing an extra thorough job of cleaning I noticed a growth - a rather large growth - in fact a growth the size of a small walnut on the end of my left testicle. At the time I thought, "hmmm - any growth in that region can't be good". In fact I was so worried I even got up the nerve to Google "Testicular Cancer". I must warn you now - never - I repeat, never Google "Testicular Cancer".








In fact, ever since that day 2 weeks ago, I have been living with the idea that I must have the big C. I have mentally explored all of my options from the good - living the rest of my life only half-nuts (most people who know me will readily acknowledge that up until now I am a full nut) to the bad - take up cycling and enter the Tour de France or throwing myself off of a cliff. I haven't decided which of the two options is worse.

As you can imagine I entered the doctor's office with some degree of fear. As he was in the process of giving me a lecture about my weight, my blood pressure, my cholesterol levels, etc., I interrupted him to explain my predicament. In fact I told him that those other items were of little concern to me since I had (what I thought) was a cancerous growth on my testicle.




Up on the table I went, unders went down and he started to examine my right testicle, muttering, "yes there seems to be a small growth here". I pointed out to him that the growth I had discovered was on the left testicle and he switched over. After a bit of painful probing he finally declared, "well there is some definite swelling but I'm not too worried".

Not too worried!!!!! Some obvious responses popped into my head ranging from, "of course you're not worried, you don't have a cancerous growth the size of a football growing on your nuts", to "if the growth was on my big toe I wouldn't be worried either since I could just cut it off but these are my nuts we're talking about".

What I did respond with was, "Oh - why?". To which he responded with a number of suggestions as to what it could be and that these were far more likely than cancer. One of those suggestions was simply an infection and he provided me with a prescription, which I am now taking, until I can get in to have an ultrasound done. That should be fun - I'm really looking forward to having someone smear goop all over my nuts and then running a sensor around my sack while I look on. I only hope I don't see a heartbeat!

Remember - I warned you!