The Perfect Wife

A friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, gave me the gift of a perfect wife for Christmas. As you can see from the picture below, this wife is advertised with the following features - (note the typical wife stance and facial expression);

• She never bothers you during the game
• She keeps her opinions to herself
• She doesn't have any baggage
• She doesn't talk at all
• She never has a headache

So far she does sound perfect. Unfortunately she is not perfect. The deal breaker is the feature advertised in small print near the top corner of the package. She will grow to 600% of her original size - sorry - been there, done that!