A Sad Day

I just heard through the internet that Suzanne Pleshette died today. I fell in love with this woman through her character, Emily, whom she used to play on the original Bob Newhart show - the one where Bob Newhart was a psychologist in Chicago. The Bob Newhart show was one of my favourites ' back in the day '.



Suzanne had an amazingly throaty, sexy voice. Probably the most sexy voice I've ever heard. Though she appeared on quite a few TV shows, the only movie I recall that she started in was Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds". She was very young in that movie and her throaty, sexy voice was not yet at its prime.

I shall miss her.

The Technology of War, Sex and Toys

This blog could have been titled, "It isn't easy teaching grade 10 history".

If we look at WWI and WWII we can see that during both these wars technology took a tremendous leap forward. As an example, at the beginning of the WWI, pilots of aircraft were using pistols to shoot at people on the ground. In a few short years, by the end of the war, pilots had machine guns mounted on planes that could reliably shoot through the plane's propeller. The same war saw the development of the tank, use of radar, mustard gas, wireless communication, more sophisticated internal combustion engines - a wide variety of newly developed technology which we still find in use today.

The second world war saw the same kind of technological leap, the atomic bomb being the most notable example. From this technology came nuclear power and the development of a wide variety of non-lethal outcomes including the treatment of cancers by radiation therapy. In broad technological terms, war has been good for our society.

But what about the times in between wars. What drives technology? Following WWII technology was driven by man's desire for sex. He came home after a long day at the office and wanted a little quality time with the wife but was stymied by the Too Tired Tonight or TTT syndrome. After all, the poor little woman had to beat the carpets, broom the floors, wash dishes by hand, chop and blend food using antiquated forks and knives, as well as drag laundry across a washboard and hang it on a line to dry. Who wouldn't be tired?

Ahhh - so how did man respond? He invented the vacuum cleaner, the washing machine and dryer, the dish washing machine, as well as the food processor and blender - countless improvements designed to make the little woman's life easier. Man's motives were clear - he was trying to rid the little woman (or more accurately - himself) of the dreaded TTT syndrome. (I discussed this particular issue in length in a blog entitled Pink vs Blue two years ago - 2 YEARS AGO - WOW have I really been doing this for 2 years?!!). If you examine all of the technological developments developed after WWII to the early 70's, more than 80% of them were designed to rid the world (namely man) of the TTT syndrome.

As discussed in my earlier blog - the ultimate outcome was that we kept developing and improving our products to the point where women no longer needed us and were capable of using the technology without our input. We made the technology too easy to use, too numerous in it's scope. Worst of all, we didn't rid the world of the TTT syndrome since women were now too tired of doing the work that was once in our exclusive domain. In fact, for a brief dark time in the history of man, we often found ourselves doing female or 'pink jobs.

But men are smart. We ultimately get what we want. What drives technology now? Our need for better toys of course. Having spent our best years developing better technology for women (and getting nowhere with respect to the TTT syndrome) we have turned our attention inward. We are now developing better toys for our own use - to help us make better make use of the time on our hands (there is a double entendre here somewhere) afforded us by the TTT syndrome. Big Screen TV's, 7.1 sound systems, bigger & faster computers for playing Warcraft, portable GPS systems to use with our canoe following a divorce, ATV's, bigger and better boats - TOYS for MEN!

Where will it all end, you ask? I've been thinking about that and as history tells us - it must end full circle. The Japanese (who else) have just announced the development of a robotic woman. The ultimate in a man's toy! I know what you are thinking - a robotic woman is just an elaborate 'blow-up' doll. A mere toy not to be confused with a real woman.


For enlightenment may I suggest that you read David Levy's new book, Sex and Love with Robots. In his book, Mr. Levy claims that, in the not too distance future, it is highly likely that most of our intimate relationships will be with robots. As Stephen Cobert noted during his interview with Mr. Levy - Once you go Bot, you never go back.









So we come full circle - our technological prowess will result in the winning combination of War, Sex & Toys. Imagine you and a friend getting together on a Saturday night to watch your respective robotic females stage a cat fight for your benefit. Of course they would be appropriately dressed in sexy lingerie. Talk about having your cake and eating it too!

The Perfect Wife

A friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, gave me the gift of a perfect wife for Christmas. As you can see from the picture below, this wife is advertised with the following features - (note the typical wife stance and facial expression);

• She never bothers you during the game
• She keeps her opinions to herself
• She doesn't have any baggage
• She doesn't talk at all
• She never has a headache

So far she does sound perfect. Unfortunately she is not perfect. The deal breaker is the feature advertised in small print near the top corner of the package. She will grow to 600% of her original size - sorry - been there, done that!

Freedom !

Bob is finally back in his apartment enjoying the good life. Today I awoke at noon and spent most of the day watching football. I also did a little bit of cleaning - ok I pushed the button to start my robotic vacuum and watched it do the cleaning.

Did I mention I love my life!

Three Sleeps to go

OK - The vacation that never ends is hopefully coming to a close as this family finally returns home from Florida. What originally was to be an 8 day stint at dog sitting has turned out to what will be a 15 day sentence from hell. The latest word is that I am out of here this Friday - finally free from the dog pound.

The experience has taught me one thing - I love my freedom and lack of responsibility. Please God let me outta here.

Happy New Year

The New Year should be off to a great start as I was finally able to load Warcraft onto the computer here at the dog mansion. Oh - I guess I haven't mentioned that I am house/dog sitting for one of the families at the school while they are in Florida. Yes, while they are in the sunny south I am here in the midst of another snowstorm.

The increase in responsibility of caring for something other than a plastic houseplant is killing me. The stupid dogs actually expect me to get up at 8 in the morning to let them out - what's up with that. In truth they don't expect me to get up - they get me up by dropping large bones on the wooden floors. Every morning I am now woken by the sound of what seems to be gunfire at 8 am. Never one for maturity, I get my revenge late at night (the dogs seem to want to go to bed at 9pm) by making them go out for a pee every hour on the hour past 10pm.

In truth, taking care of the dogs (I recognize it isn't really a huge responsibility as far as responsibilities go)has reaffirmed my chosen life style. I am now more appreciative of the freedom I have (or rather, will have again in a few days). The ability to leave ones house or apartment with the freedom to do anything you want without the constraints of 'returning home on time' is something I had taken for granted over the past few years. Well - no more. It has been fun but I will be glad when it is over.

The dogs, who are rather cute in their own way, are pictured below. I have renamed them for the week. They are Wisconsin, Princess, and Bluto.

Cleaning up before the New Year

I hope that everyone had a great Christmas. Just a few items I need to attend to before moving on to my next post.

First - on the second last day of school we had invited the grads to come for a Christmas lunch. About ten grads from across the years attended and I must say it was nice to see some old faces. And I do mean old since they are all older than I remember when they graduated. It was nice to see most of last years grads attend.

The second item - which actually took place on the same day but was celebrated the day after - was my birthday. Apparently I am also getting older. One birthday gift in particular stands out from the others. I received a $200 bottle of scotch. No - not the expensive scotch but rather a $200 bottle much more suited to my tastes. In the photo below, as a comparison, both bottles cost about $200. Which one would you prefer?

Merry Christmas

HBB is off to visit his mom for Christmas. Just wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas before I go.

Warning !!!

I warn all readers - you may read the following blog - but - once read, you can't unread it. Proceed at your own risk.

So Monday was the snow day and the weather was brutal but I had to venture out. I had a doctors appointment.

You see, several weeks ago while doing an extra thorough job of cleaning I noticed a growth - a rather large growth - in fact a growth the size of a small walnut on the end of my left testicle. At the time I thought, "hmmm - any growth in that region can't be good". In fact I was so worried I even got up the nerve to Google "Testicular Cancer". I must warn you now - never - I repeat, never Google "Testicular Cancer".








In fact, ever since that day 2 weeks ago, I have been living with the idea that I must have the big C. I have mentally explored all of my options from the good - living the rest of my life only half-nuts (most people who know me will readily acknowledge that up until now I am a full nut) to the bad - take up cycling and enter the Tour de France or throwing myself off of a cliff. I haven't decided which of the two options is worse.

As you can imagine I entered the doctor's office with some degree of fear. As he was in the process of giving me a lecture about my weight, my blood pressure, my cholesterol levels, etc., I interrupted him to explain my predicament. In fact I told him that those other items were of little concern to me since I had (what I thought) was a cancerous growth on my testicle.




Up on the table I went, unders went down and he started to examine my right testicle, muttering, "yes there seems to be a small growth here". I pointed out to him that the growth I had discovered was on the left testicle and he switched over. After a bit of painful probing he finally declared, "well there is some definite swelling but I'm not too worried".

Not too worried!!!!! Some obvious responses popped into my head ranging from, "of course you're not worried, you don't have a cancerous growth the size of a football growing on your nuts", to "if the growth was on my big toe I wouldn't be worried either since I could just cut it off but these are my nuts we're talking about".

What I did respond with was, "Oh - why?". To which he responded with a number of suggestions as to what it could be and that these were far more likely than cancer. One of those suggestions was simply an infection and he provided me with a prescription, which I am now taking, until I can get in to have an ultrasound done. That should be fun - I'm really looking forward to having someone smear goop all over my nuts and then running a sensor around my sack while I look on. I only hope I don't see a heartbeat!

Remember - I warned you!

Snow and More Snow

Another snow day! I think this is our fifth this year. Damn global warming!

OK - so about a month ago when most people in Ontario were getting their snow tires installed, HouseboatBob (HBB) was (as he is want to do) going on and on about how snow tires in Southern Ontario were not needed. In fact HouseboatBob goes one step further and suggests that he has no need to change his summer tires in favour of (at least) all season radials.

God must have been listening that day. In fact I suspect he plotted with Mother Nature to teach HBB a lesson. After shovelling for almost 10 minutes this afternoon I almost gave in to God, Mother Nature and their cruel joke on HBB. But I didn't and I got my car out onto the road and I was off to the store to buy food to eat. Sure it took some shovelling (which I haven't done in at least 10 years) but I'm not ready to give up the contest yet. My stomach is full and I'll shall shovel to fight another day.

Come on Mother Nature! Is that the best you have? Let It Snow - Let It Snow!!

WoW Update

Given a snow day one would expect that I would be playing Warcraft - not so. They are down for their weekly maintenance - you would think that they would coordinate with Canadians better than that.

However, I must update my Warcraft progress since I did make level 60 on my second character this past weekend. Now the fun begins - it doesn't look easy to level at this point. Since I might get bored while waiting to level my higher characters, yesterday I started two new characters.

Ok - that's all for now since anymore rambling about Warcraft might cause some to think I am ready for an intervention. Off to do marking which was my other choice for today.

The Double

The much anticipated but rarely experienced 'Double' occurred today. Yep, for the second day in a row, a snow day was called. I can't honestly remember when a 'Double' last occurred - I'm thinking it has been at least 6 years since the last one.

Random Thought #1: I'm glad they renamed the problem from Global Warming to Global Climate Change. If they hadn't every Canadian on the way to work would be spitting out the phrase, "Global Warming My Ass".

Random Thought #2: For the past several weeks I've been making fun of people who think that the winter season means that they must have snow tires on their car. I've been saying that snow tires are not needed in Southern Ontario and that my summer tires will do me just fine. Today I'm thinking that is only true if you are a teacher and can rely upon snow days when there is a snowfall.

Random Thought #3: Catch up on my marking OR Warcraft?

A picture of my parking lot, and that may be my car, from my window. I haven't been outside for 2 days and it doesn't look good for today. Since my cupboards are bare I'm thinking pizza delivery for lunch.

Eco-Footprint my Ass! What about your Ass-Footprint?

Today I went shopping at the local grocery store for a few supplies. As it is the beginning of the holiday season I knew it was going to be busy. I knew the checkouts would be long and the parking supply short. I knew that, to get through the ordeal, extreme patience on my part would be required .

Indeed I was patient as I walked around snot-nosed crying children, women with shopping lists the size of a small novels in their hands complete with a determined ‘get the hell out of my way’ grimace affixed to their face. Their pussy whipped counterparts trailing behind them firmly grasping the handle of their shopping cart trying hard not to get caught staring at the occasional good looking female striding past them with a vapour trail of exotic perfume following behind. You could almost see these poor lost souls mentally comparing the physical attributes of their spouse with those of the sexy, young women breezing past. I could feel their pain. God how I love the holidays and that look on the faces of married men. The “how did I arrive here in my life?” look.

As I tried to exit the store I encountered a traffic jam. A man had stopped his cart in the ‘exit’ hallway to load up a package of water bottles. Why we feel the need to buy water in plastic bottles is beyond me but that is another blog. As this man tried to lift the package of water bottles into his cart the plastic shrink wrap surrounding the bottles slipped off the top and the bottles started to tumble out. At this point he had no choice but to pick up the bottles that had tumbled out, push them to one side and attempt to load another case of water.

Now I don’t blame this man for interfering with my exit from the store. Firstly, under normal circumstances, there should have been sufficient room to go around him and secondly, he had no choice as to where the water bottles were stored. He had to stop his cart in the exit hallway. Additionally, it was likely he was only at the store collecting water because his wife had made him go to the grocery store. A single man likely would only purchase water one bottle at a time and then only from the local gas station or convenience store. I felt his pain.

What I don’t understand is the endless supply of fat, self indulgent women in this world. Standing right next to this man were three women who had stopped to have a little chat about their ‘friend’ Sally who recently had a baby and had apparently not yet lost the weight. Though I do not know Sally, I none-the-less felt compelled to call her and inform her that these three fat bitches seemed to be experts in finding and storing lost weight if she, Sally, were to ever lose her weight and needed it back.

What is it with fat people - are they not aware of the relationship between circumference and diameter? Are they not aware of their ass footprint size? As an example, if you have a waistline of 50 inches ( and I’m being kind to these women) it is easy to calculate that the area of your ass-fat footprint is over to 200 square inches with a “block the lane” profile of almost 16 inches - that’s almost 1.5 feet!. In reality the effect is even more exaggerated since their stomachs tend to stick out in the opposite direction of their ass. It is known in the scientific community as the DAFI or ‘Doubling of the Ass Fat Impact’. Put the combination of three fat asses along with two shopping carts in the store exit lane and you have the beginnings of a human traffic plug somewhat akin to inserting a wad of hair into your sink drains. Nothing can get through.

Did these women recognize that they were blocking people? Did they not clue in to the numbers of people starting to line up in front of them as well as the line on the other side queuing up to enter the store? Did they think that we had gathered about them to hear about Sally and her weight problems? Did they not recognize that the combination of their three fat asses was effectively blocking the entire lane of traffic trying to exit and enter the store. Apparently not.

Apparently fat assed women don’t have a sense of humour either. I received a very nasty and bitter stare from all three when I suggested to the one lady nearest me that she should move to the left a bit so that she could BLOCK EVERYTHING INCLUDING LIGHT FROM ENTERING THE STORE!!

I don’t know - I thought it was a funny line. But then again - perhaps that is why I remain single .... and happy.

A Great Week

Well Boys and girls - it was a great week for Houseboat Bob.

First - a snow day on Thursday!

Second - it was the annual Christmas Party for the school and I don't think I said anything to a parent which I will regret come Monday.

Third - I finally finished the Haliburton DVD. Another monkey off my back.

Time now to watch Football.

Kingston & Back

Was off to Kingston this past weekend to take in Beowulf with three of my English Literature students from years gone by. It's a long story (and I don't mean Beowulf although that is long as well) but these three ladies were in my class when we studied Beowulf and went to see the cinematic version that was released 2 years ago. The movie, by the way, was terrible (I think it was Canadian).

I'm not sure when we made the pact but we agreed that we would get together whenever the new version was released - which was this past weekend. Off to Kingston to fulfill the pact since two of them are attending Queens University. I collected the third on the way. Had a great time seeing them but the weekend left me with mixed emotions. It is hard watching people whom you were close to grow and move on in their lives knowing that you will never have the closeness nor impact with them that you once had. They are all becoming adults in their own way.

In short I see them as three beautiful flowers - one which is currently shaking in fear (because of Calculus), one is blossoming and the third is withering away. On one hand they really haven't changed but on the other you can see the process of change is upon them. I guess I have to learn to let go - but that doesn't make the process any easier.





I hope that another version of Beowulf comes out in the next few years so that I can make them come out with me again.

Virtual vs Reality

A friend of mine recently passed along a request wondering if I would like to write an article about the dangers to our society of kids spending so much time playing virtual reality games. The following was my response.

Dear XXX

When I read the request, my first thought was that I could write an article on the benefits of playing/living in a virtual world. I find that most people I interact with in the virtual world are helpful and considerate - why - because the operators of the game closely monitor game play and will boot those people who are chronically a 'pain-in-the-butt'. I often wonder what our 'real' society would be like if we had enough police to constantly monitor the behaviour of people in our 'real' society and had the right to 'boot' them from our society if they deem them to be annoying. By 'boot' I don't mean giving them a suspended sentence and letting them back into game play after 2 months - I mean permanently 'booting' them.

Case in point - I have a assigned a key on my keyboard with the phrase 'Must my fantasy world be filled with idiots as well'. By simply pushing one key that phrase will immediately 'pop-up' on my screen. I have only used the key twice in the past year. If I had a similar 'pop-up' phrase for my real world I would use it three to four times a day - and that is just while driving to and from work.

Another feature of the virtual world is the ability to 'block' a person from ever interacting with you. Again - how lovely would that feature be in the real world. Imagine never again having to deal with that idiot boss, that old boyfriend or girlfriend, the idiot who cut you off in traffic.

As to the mind set of the youth today with respect to body image, etc., I have known several 'Barbie' types during my years on this planet and they all, as well as the non-Barbie types, suffer from poor body image. Where this originates from I'm not sure but I do know it was in existence long before the advent of computer generated virtual worlds. Besides, boys and girls have been playing in virtual worlds for as long as I can recall. When I was 12 years old playing 'Cowboys and Indians', in my mind I was a hero and I was killing the Indians. Computers only allow me to play a 'better - more realistic' game. It is no different then when I was finally given a plastic gun at Christmas instead of using my tired and worn out finger as a gun.

Is playing a game in a virtual world really any different then spending hours and hours, mainly by yourself, working on a jig-saw puzzle? Is it really any different, with respect to the social implications, than reading a good fictional book? Imagine playing in a virtual world, interacting with others, without having the negative stereotypes associated with weight, wearing glasses, pimples, etc., getting in the way of communicating with that person.




Yes, there are negative aspects to the virtual world but in some cases people seek the virtual world because it is a world much closer to what God promised. Instead of dealing with the frustrations to trying change the 'so-called' real world - which is filled with a wide variety of idiots not worthy of our efforts - we have chosen to enjoy our down time. Perhaps it is akin to creating a new world as opposed to trying to fix the old one. I'm not sure that ignoring reality in favour of building a nice place to play is a bad thing.

You are correct - it would be a challenge for me to write an article supporting the evils of computer games. Unfortunately I am unwilling to devote the time since I have to deal with the real world frustrations of marking tests, teaching students subjects that they have no interest in learning, and generally dealing with parents who think their off-spring are the sweetest, smartest, kindest kid to hit the face of this earth since the sweet baby Jesus went to school. After all - it does cost money to play in a virtual world and I need the paycheque.

Part 'A' Accomplished

Well the first part of my two part goal was completed today as I got my main character to level 60. This is about 3 weeks earlier than I had originally set as my goal. It takes about 200,000 points to gain a level which equates to about 20 plus hours if all goes well. I got a nasty surprise though at level 60 - it now takes 500,000 points to level! I can see why people take an entire year to get from level 60 to level 70.

The second part of my goal is to get my second character to level 60. Currently I am at level 57 so this should be obtainable by early December - if all goes well.


On Friday a much depleted cartel met at Wild Wings. An old favourite, Tanya, was back behind the bar - she is redoing her kitchen and needs the money! After dinner we went to see the movie Lions for Lambs. It sucked!